Couplement
by Nova-Janna
Summary: Just a long conversation between Malfoy and Hermione . I wrote it on a whim based off conversation fragments I've heard before. Second chapter added.
1. Default Chapter

_Disclaimer: Not mine_

_A/N: If you do not like Draco/Hermione fanfiction, I don't care. Stop reading this right now, so I don't have to hear you tell me off for it later. Second, real conversations are not short and to the point. They are not carefully edited so only the basic, essential stuff is left. They just happen, and random things are said. They can drag on. That is why this story is long. Because I was trying to make it like a real conversation, which isn't perfect. Thanks, sorry for my slight rant. _

_BTW, Hermione's half of this conversation is in italics. Draco's is in regular print. Tried to make it easier to read._

* * *

"_**Do you hate me?" **_

"Should I hate you?"

"_I don't know. How about you? What do you know?"_

"Stop talking in riddles, woman!"

"_Stop calling me woman! Honestly, how many times-"_

"How are you doing this?"

"_Doing what?"_

"Making me…Oh, I don't know."

"_I thought you knew everything."_

"No. You know everything."

"_Well…."_

"Stop it."

"_I'm not doing anything!"_

"Whatever."

"_Why do you care what they say?"_

"What are you talking about? You really are crazy."

"_Why do you care what they say? Why does it matter?"_

"They don't control me, if that's what you mean."

"_It's not what I mean."_

"Oh."

"_Why should it matter?"_

"Why should what matter?"

"_Everything."_

"Everything matters."

"_Why does it matter to you what they say, think?"_

"About what."

"_Everything."_

"You don't make any sense."

"_Thanks."_

"**How do you do this to me?" **

"_Do what?"_

"This- this- weird feeling."

"_I think that may be actual attraction. Maybe more than just physical attraction."_

"Don't flatter yourself."

"_Spare me."_

"And don't give me any of this love crap either."

"_What love crap? We're not old enough to love. At least not each other."_

"Sure…."

"_Why don't you just take me out, spend a few months with me 'dating' and then you can dump me and I can cry into my pillow while I listen to break-up songs?"_

"Because….I don't want to."

"_Take me out? Or dump me?"_

"I'm not sure. That's the problem!"

"_Maybe it shouldn't be."_

"Maybe that's the point. It would be so easy to hate you."

"_But you don't."_

"How would you know?"

"_I just would."_

"I could hate you for that."

"_You could try."_

"**Why can't I hate you?"**

"_I know. It's so hard. You could hate me just like the rest of them. But you don't."_

"Damn you. Do you hate me?"

"_I don't know. That's the problem."_

"Don't mock me."

"_I'm not sure if I am."_

"Can you be sure?"

"_About what?"_

"I don't know."

"_Hypocrite."_

"Oh, shut up."

"_So? Why not take me out? See how it goes?"_

"Because then you'll be just like one of them."

"_One of whom?"_

"The other girls I take out."

"_So? Aren't I just another girl?"_

"No. You know it too, don't you?"

"_Know what?"_

"That you're not just another girl."

"_Maybe."_

"I hate you sometimes."

"_But only sometimes."_

"I'm supposed to hate you."

"_And I'm supposed to hate you."_

"But you don't."

"_Nor do you."_

"God, that's annoying."

"_Why do you care what we're supposed to do? My friends have gotten over it."_

"Yeah, well, you know my friends."

"_So? Just pretend I'm one of those girls."_

"They'll notice that you're not. They may have already."

"_**OK. So don't take me out. Fake it. Pretend you don't like me."**_

"Right. And you do what?"

"_Be that lovesick girl who pines away after the incredibly popular and good-looking guy."_

"You think I'm incredibly good looking?"

"_Hmmmm…..You're right, that may have been going a bit far."_

"Funny."

"_I thought so."_

"So we pretend?"

"_You pretend."_

"What do you mean?"

"_You pretend you don't like me, aren't attracted, pretend that you hate me even, like you're meant to. And I'll pine away in my corner, thank you very much."_

"**I don't love you."**

"_You've never loved me. Always hated me. Does it make you happy to say that?"_

"No."

"_Then why are you?"_

"Because. I'm supposed to."

"_Uh-huh."_

"Why don't you care?"

"_Good question. Maybe for the same reasons you do."_

"Damn you."

"_**One of your exs warned me."**_

"Really? About what?"

"_She said you weren't worth it. Because you had no emotions."_

"I don't."

"_I think maybe you do. But you just do a really good job of hiding them."_

"Maybe."

"_Yes."_

"You don't make any sense."

"_Maybe you don't."_

"Don't be stupid."

"_You're the one without any emotions."_

"I thought I just hid them?"

"_I'm not sure."_

"Right."

"_She warned me not to get caught up in you. At the time, I wondered why she was telling me, of all people. Like I could relate."_

"She was smarter than you thought."

"_She is smarter than I thought."_

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"_**There's another girl who likes you."**_

"Which one?"

"_That one girl who says she's known you well for years."_

"Is she just saying it?"

"_How would I know?"_

"I thought you knew everything."

"_Very funny."_

"So, she likes me."

"_She confided in me, of all people."_

"That was silly."

"_Maybe she doesn't know."_

"About what?"

"_This."_

"Don't you mean us?"

"_No. There is no us."_

"Should there be?"

"_You tell me."_

"**You love me, she likes me." **

"_She's prettier."_

"You're cuter."

"_She's known you longer."_

"I think you know me better."

"_Only think?"_

"Can never be too sure."

"_She's smarter."_

"Where did that come from?"

"_Good point. She's more like you."_

"In what way?"

"_Sense of humour. Just general interest."_

"Don't opposites attract?"

"_I think that's only in some cases."_

"**Are you trying to make me choose?"**

"_I'm not sure. Can you?"_

"Yes."

"_Oh."_

"Why would I choose her?"

"_Why would you choose me?"_

"Haven't we been through this?"

"_Maybe."_

"She seems like she'd go better with me."

"_That's my point."_

"But it's not mine."

"_Very well. Continue."_

"She seems like it. But there's no….no…."

"_Attraction?"_

"There's attraction."

"_Desire?"_

"There's a little of that."

"_I don't know what then. Tell me you're not looking for lust?"_

"No, I'm not."

"_Then there's no what?"_

"No click."

"_Right."_

"**I mean, I don't click with her."**

"_That is just rubbish."_

"I disagree."

"_You're telling me she's perfect except she doesn't click with you?"_

"Yeah."

"_Now who's the crazy one?"_

"She flirts constantly."

"_So you'd be jealous."_

"Is that a question or a statement?"

"_Statement."_

"I don't think I'd be jealous. What I meant was, you talk, she flirts."

"_Aren't they the same thing?"_

"Are they?"

"_When I talk to you, I'm not flirting. At least, not all the time."_

"Well then."

"_Pretend I didn't say that out loud."_

"Or the part about me being good looking?"

"_That too."_

"As you wish. What's so funny?"

"_That's from a movie."_

"Yeah. _The Princess Bride_."

"_So you know? Wait. I thought you didn't know what movies were...?"_

"There was a reason I chose that particular phrase."

"_Oh."_

"Did you want me to choose?"

"_It's a little late, isn't it?"_

"Yeah. Who's that old guy who we could quote right now?"

"_Um, Shakespeare?"_

"Yeah."

"_Quote away."_

"I don't know anything by him."

"_Well then, that was sort of stupid of you."_

"But you love me any way."

"_**What will your friends say?" **_

"I'm not sure. Right now, I'd rather not think about it."

"_You'll have to eventually."_

"Thanks for the positive note."

"_Look on the bright side."_

"There's a bright side?"

"_IF they attack you, they'll be more of them….Oh, wait."_

"Oh yes, you're wonderful and putting a positive spin on things."

"_Shut up. Let me try that again."_

"I'm not sure if that's such a good idea."

"_Funny. The bright side: You have me."_

"It's getting brighter and brighter."

"_Sarcasm is not appreciated."_

"Fine. I take it there's more to this so called good part of the bad thing?"

"_Ooh, eloquently put. And yes, there is."_

"And….?"

"_You can protect yourself against at least five of them."_

"How?"

"_These rock hard abs…."_

"OK, now you're just getting a little creepy."

"_Couldn't resist. So, we're a couple?"_

"Or you're just another girl."

"_I can live with that."_

"Are you sure you don't want to pine away in your corner?"

"_Pretty sure."_

"Wonderful."

"_**This is weird."**_

"What is?"

"_Declaring we're a couple."_

"Declare isn't the word I'd use."

"_No?"_

"No. I think I'd say….Agreeing to be a couple."

"_Ah….Are you sure we shouldn't make a formal announcement or something?"_

"Are you serious?"

"_Well. I've never dated before, so I really wouldn't know…"_

"I thought you were serious for a second there."

"_What makes you think I'm not?"_

"Why do girls always have to have some freaky way of making the couplement official?"

"_Couplement?"_

"You know what I mean."

"_We don't always. Why? What did that blonde one make you do? Declare your love under a blossoming rose tree?"_

"There are rose trees?"

"_Fine. Blossoming peach tree. Happy?"_

"Peaches blossom?"

"_You can be such an idiot…."_

"Whatever. No, she made me kiss her in some symbolic way."

"_Do I even want to know?"_

"On her face, in some funky star-ish pattern."

"_I always knew there was something wrong with her…"_

"Yeah."

"_**Very well. I'll have to come up with an appropriate method of torture to put you through."**_

"Please don't."

"_But it would be so fun!"_

"You are so weird."

"_Thank you. Anyways, this would be my moment to say something corny."_

"Like what?"

"_Like…. 'It's all right honey. Just being with you is enough for me.'"_

"That would be…..Highly disturbing."

"_Just be happy I warned you first."_

"I am."

"_Good. Which reminds me. We need pet names."_

"Say what now?"

"_Pet names. You know, you can call me honeycomb and I can call you stud muffin or something like that."_

"Honeycomb?"

"_Yeah, I'm not sure where that one came from…"_

"Stud muffin?"

"_You like?"_

"You scare me sometimes."

"_I try."_

"Do you really?"

"_I don't know. Do I?"_

"Stop doing that!"

"_Doing what?"_

"Here we go again…."

_A/N: I re-posted this just so I could write the author's note, and change the font of Hermione's part to make it easier for you guys to read. Thanks a bunch to all my reviewers!_


	2. Dinner with the Slytherins

**A/N: Draco's words are in italics and he's talking with Blaise. **

"**I heard about you and that girl."**

_"Uh…."_

"Yeah. Got anything to say about it?"

_"Should I?"_

"I don't know. She's a freak. You hate her."

_"You hate her."_

"So we both hate her."

_"No."_

"No?"

_"You heard me. I don't hate her. You can."_

"I hate her. You're supposed to. You do."

_"I don't."_

"What did she do to you?"

_"Nothing. She didn't do anything."_

"Right. I'll believe that."

_"She doesn't want to love me anymore than I want to love her."_

"So there's love now?"

_"What did you think?"_

"I think you're just telling her that. Toying with her mind cause of that body."

_"Do you really? Or are you just trying to make yourself believe that?"_

"Don't make this hard."

_"You're the one who cares too much."_

"So she loves you, huh?"

_"Something like that."_

"You've got her wrapped round your little finger, don't you?"

_"If that's what you want to believe."_

"It's what I know."

_"It's what you think you know."_

"**I'm telling you you've gotta stop looking at her like that."**

_"Like what?"_

"Like some love-sick puppy. It's disgusting, and I'm trying to eat."

_"Live with it. I love her, remember?"_

"You're sick."

_"You hate her for nothing."_

"You used to. What happened?"

_"I just stopped caring. Because I love her."_

"You're killing me with that word."

_"I know. I used to be like you too, remember? It used to kill me too."_

"It's like a dagger, driving into my heart."

_"You don't have a heart."_

"Good point."

_"**Why do you bother talking to me if you hate me?"**_

"I don't hate you. I hate her. And the idea of her and you. Together."

_"Jealous?"_

"Of who?"

_"Her."_

"Don't be more disgusting than you already are. You know I don't go for that."

_"Whatever. I talk to you because I'm supposed to. Why do I do that?"_

"Why don't you rebel?"

_"Don't mock me. I have my own forms of rebellion. Remember those?"_

"Why are we always asking if we remember things now?"

_"Because we've changed."_

"You changed. You are in the past. At least the you who I was friends with."

_"We don't have friends."_

"Clearly we have lovers though."

_"You noticed?"_

"It's hard not to."

_"**She's going to sit with us. At dinner."**_

"You're insane. They'll eat her alive."

_"'They'll' ?"_

"Them."

_"Aren't you included in this anymore?"_

"In the hate? No, I'm all about the love."

_"You're so witty."_

"You're so sarcastic."

_"You'll talk to her, right?"_

"What are friends for?"

_"How many times do I have to tell you….?"_

At Dinner: Draco, Hermione, Blaise, Pansy. 

**D-So….**

H-Aren't awkward silences fun?

D-Sarcasm will not go over well.

B-Oh contraire, we Slytherins appreciate sarcasm to the highest degree.

D- What are you doing Zabini?

B-What you asked me to do.

D- Did I ask you to charm my girlfriend?

H-I am right here.

P- Draco….

D-Pansy….

P-Blaise….

B-Pansy, dearest, you finally learned my name! _To H: _See, I told you we had a thing for sarcasm.

P-Blaise…

D-Zabini! Shut up!

H- Stud muffin, don't get too riled up.

_All Slytherins within earshot drop their utensils. Hermione holds back laughter. Draco looks livid and amused all at once. Blaise is most definitely amused. Pansy is confused. _

D- Whatever.

H-You promised me….

D- Sorry.

B-As cute as that was….

D- It was disturbing?

B-Exactly the word I was looking for!

H- Draco…

D- Well, it was disturbing the first time you used it. It's disturbing now.

H-I told you we needed pet names.

B-Is that a girl thing, or is it just me?

D- Major girl thing.

P-Well, I've always called Blaise Cuddle Bug.

_Hermione and Draco looked shocked, and then stifle laughter. Blaise continues to looked shocked. _

B- When did you start calling me that!

P-When we started dating, cuddle bug.

B-Hon, half the time you can't remember my name!

P-Which is why we use pet names

B-I'm not dating you!

P-Really? Oh. Must have been someone else then….

H-Are they always like that?

D-Well, actually, it's usually worse. You see, Blaise is actually madly in love with and attracted to Pansy, but he won't admit his feelings for the sake of this particular daily ritual.

H-I see.

B-Shut up, Malfoy. And your little slut too.

D-Someone's in a bad mood.

H- This is the part where you defend me.

D- Oh, really?

H-Sarcasm isn't one of your finer points….

D-I always thought it was.

H-No, stud muffin, your finer points include those abs, and that nose, and that adorable smirk, not to mention-

B-I lost my appetite.

H-Easiest way of getting revenge.

D-I knew you weren't serious.

H-I'm not that sickening

B-I beg to differ.

H- Don't bother

D- We could go on and on about each other-

H-For hours and hours

D- Do you want us to, Blaise?

B-Spare me, Drakie dearest.

H-That's my pet name for him!

B-I thought it was stud muffin. _Lengthy pause. _Yeah, it does sound pretty weird when I say it.

_Energetic nods from around the table. _

D-Do not ever use that name again.

H-Ever ever. Ever. It was….

D-Highly disturbing?

H-The way I see it, you think everything is highly disturbing

D-Only when it's coming out of your mouth

B-I know you don't want me to interfere, but that probably wasn't the best thing to say

H-He's smarter than you look, Draco

D-Hey!

B-This is where you apologize….

H-Any moment now…

D-Sorry. That's not how I meant it.

_This time, the entire Great Hall falls silent. Draco Malfoy SO did not just apologize, did he? _

D-You've ruined my reputation

B-Ah, the price of young love

H-Don't get me started on you and Pansy…

B-I take it back! I take it back!

H-Much better


End file.
